only because you were.

inner peace? almost.

i’m starting to pick up on some of my old interests that i had dropped for whatever reason. it feels good. because along with that, i have picked up some new hobbies/interests.

for instance, skateboarding. i just started to practice riding the skateboard my friend gave me for my birthday last year and yay i suck. but the great thing is that i love the feeling i get as i ride it, even when i fail (which i know isn’t a surprise since i’ve just started, but hey maybe i’ll suck still even a year from now). but that sucking doesn’t matter, i have something to work at that i actually like doing. which is rare. reason for picking up something that has been lying in my closet for about a year? cautiousness- something that i need to learn to get rid of, or at least learn to loosen up. na’mean?? and i get this feeling of coming together every time i ride. as if i wake up from this foggy dream that ego has me stuck in. i become more of myself. pretty tight yo~

next, ballet. i’ve yet to start, but it’s something i look forward to. i admire the gracefulness that i see in it. i plan to take it for fun, not for the perfection-overly-disciplined thing. which i was hesitant about at first, since i didn’t want it to turn into that being the reason, b/c again, loosening up is the main key here. no, i see this now as a mixture of enjoyment and just trying something new.

lez do thi$

bathroom fun

there was a valid reason to be a girl this week at school

 i found out we get free stuff AND get greeted by fancy furs at the door ways <33

vitamins and water.

i guess there are some things i’m afraid of, or haven’t thought carefully about.

i would, yes, be graduating early, but what to do RIGHT after i’m done?

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it feels good to sleep in, i haven’t in a while due to actually doing “productive” things. woot woot three points to this faGgOt. i’ve been planning, organizing, and getting ready for the next year of my life. why so much of planning? well like i said before, i plan on making this my third and final year of high school b@by!

all the stress has led me to know that i need to chill every now and then. so that’s what i do- sleep in, go out, or do some other shit.

my most recent, big outing was when i took my friends to the drive-in. good times. everyone wants to go back, but i have no idea when.

we went to go see an alien movie, and Dictator. which wasn’t such a good idea due to the fact that my mom (c’mon people i can’t drive myself yet), although has a humorous side, is still very conservative and was not in the mood to see someone penis in our faces. not that we were really paying attention anyways.

good times.

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i think the greatest of my recent ‘accomplishments’ is that i have opened my eyes to the fact that i was and can be a judgmental ass. now okay i know that might be a little obvious for some, but it never really hit me. it makes sense being a Capricorn though. always judging, as i felt judged.

the thing with having certain traits like those, is that i can have them at first, but i can work my way into changing them for the better. as can you, with your negative traits.

turning it all around. i’m starting to see equality. between me and you. in the end we’re the same, putting aside race, culture, personality, or any other boundaries. i no longer have an irritated feeling towards humans, but an actual love? because i guess i realized it’s not people that i hate, but hate what people can do sometimes.

bottom line is that i’m working on this whole “i think i’m higher than you” attitude that i’ve denied having for a while.

i can’t expect perfection out of you nor me.

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ah yes and today is my little cousin’s birthday. happy birthday lov3ly. sorry for being a prick sometimes.

finally

saw arctic monkeys at edgefest.

yrsltr.

i had a dream that i’d wake up.

i’ve woken up, but in this world.

not only that, but i can intertwined both worlds. no longer just one at a time.

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by wanting to be somewhere else all of the time, i’m not allowing myself you enjoy the good things here.

so i’m doing just that, enjoying the things i can.