only because you were.

finally

saw arctic monkeys at edgefest.

yrsltr.

i had a dream that i’d wake up.

i’ve woken up, but in this world.

not only that, but i can intertwined both worlds. no longer just one at a time.

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by wanting to be somewhere else all of the time, i’m not allowing myself you enjoy the good things here.

so i’m doing just that, enjoying the things i can.

without aluminum.

i wake up in the mornings, get up, and go straight to the bathroom. there, i undress to be only in my underwear. i turn the tub on so that hot water starts pouring out, then mix a bit of cold water into there to make the perfect temperature. i don’t let the tub fill up that much, but just enough for my feet to soak into, helping from a night of cold. from there i go straight to wetting my hair.

that’s the beginning of my routine. the part of the day that really comforts me since by that time, my dad is at work, my mom and sister are still asleep, and i have the house to myself.

the hair soaking is because of the bed head i wake up with. i let it air dry, finish the rest of my routine, then i’m off to school. clothes on.

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although i know the book is over, it’s hard to detach and start a new one.

my goal is to read 5,000 pages by the end of the school year. i started around the end of january. next year will be more strict, maybe something like --5,000 12” by 8” pages-- not to say that i’m reading super small paged books, but there have been a few! heh heh.

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sunday morning, i had one of those “stay in bed, wake up many times, but still fall asleep and have 100 dreams” type of mornings.

i dreamed of many things: flying through time, making cars move to different places, something about coconuts.

but i remember having this one dream. it was odd from the start. i walked into a mini gift shop and as i glance to the left, i see a hexagram forming, but then it’s quickly erased by a young woman who is working behind the counter. she kept her eyes on me hoping i didn’t see it. her stare was alarming but not too much to shake me up. i go further into the store and immediately get bad vibes from all over the place. everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and all gave me the same eerie look that the girl behind the counter gave me. i knew it was time for me to go. but i suppose i made my escape look too desperate because just as i tried to walk out of the door, i felt myself being sucked back inside by a strong force. i held on to the door as my legs flung in the air. i said something calming in my head to settle myself down, said a prayer, turned around and it’s as if i shot out a beam of force at the people. then, whatever was holding me back was gone and i fled into a light. i then woke up.

my dreams are becoming easier to control. and funner to watch.

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i’ve read 1,003 pages so far.

progress in both situations.

your fun ≠ my fun.

i gave up self pity, and it’s really not as hard as i thought. all i know is that i’m not falling into that hole.

the project:it’s still possible to make certain projects without forcing the emotions and getting completely into character, losing myself to that character. i can do it on my own, i already know what i want it to be like, so why not try a different point of view for just a little? and if it is necessary to get into character, then so be it, but i will pull myself out. 

i know i’m relearning what i already know. but i’ve never felt so certain that i’m capable of handling it.

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i’m babysitting my mom’s friend’s kids again today. two baby girls. although girls and boys are different, these two are the princess loving gals, so yes, this’ll give me some practice since i’m used to boys, or girls who aren’t that into barbie.

the previous time seemed to have gone pretty smooth- The Lion King, some sandwiches, and a few piggy back rides did the trick nicely! so i’m not too worried for this time. they are actually really funny so it’ll be interesting once more.

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there are a few guys at school that have become clingers. i will put an end to this heh heh. oh yes, i will.